Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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