Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
