No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
