i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
