we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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