things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
