Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Buhtt sex?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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