I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
