we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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