i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
