How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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