His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
