All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
