I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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