That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
