Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
