I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
