I could have mohawked her pubes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
