is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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