wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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