I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
