My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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