You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
