Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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