so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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