Don't make out with my wife yet
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
