I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
