Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
