You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
