this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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