good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
