dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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