note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
