We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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