I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
