Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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