I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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