We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
bring money and cleavage
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
