Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize