my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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