why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
