Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
