He disabled his match.com account in front of me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
