if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
