hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He shit in the fireplace
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
