I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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