I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
