I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
