P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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