Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We won't sleep together?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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