Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I AM VODKA MAN
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
