Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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