how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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