I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
