Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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