is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
