Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
