She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
