not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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