my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize