I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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