Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
