and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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