We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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