You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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